But Today.

I haven't written in so long. For me that's a good thing, it means everythings been good, I've survived. I have people now, friends back, a life again. I'm living as a person, not a shadow. I'm enjoying things. Beckoning to the world. I'm finally recovering. But today.

Everyone's mother yells at them. Everyone's mother gets mad at them. But not everyone's mother hates them. My mother yelled at me today, she got mad. Okay, that's not news. But I've heard some of the things she said about me when I'm not around. She's supposed to be the one person in the world who would NEVER do something like that. The one person who would ALWAYS be there. Who'd always help. The one person who'd love me unconditionally. And she's not any of those things. How do I deal with that? How do I deal with a mother who looks at me with hatred and can't stand the thought of me? Do I leave; runaway? Do I end everything? Or do I stay, protect my sister, and hate myself everyday? I really don't know how someone makes that kind of choice. How someone can live with something like that. I don't know if I'm strong enough for it. And I don't know if I want to be.

I don't know why I write these things here, where people may see. Maybe I'm looking for someone. Someone with answers. I don't know. So how do I find out?