Learning

I can't understand any of it. Not a single thing. Why is it that I feel as though I've lived a thousand years and they've only lived for a decade. As though it's impossible for me to relate to them. Not because I'm so much smarter or because I know so much more. Just because I've seen, and experienced so much more. They don't know a thing about death or judgement. About sacrifice or hardship. They've only seen the surface of the world. The good and the not so great. But I've seen so much more. More death and suffering and pain. They don't know the meaning of the words.

I've seen friends kill themselves, seen them die, seen them struggle and seen them trust the wrong people. I've learnt from their mistakes. Learnt to close myself off from other people. From the world. But they don't see that. They don't see any of it. They just see the girl who doesn't cry, who doesn't feel and who laughs at pain. A heartless monster who they find themselves unable to do anything but hate. And it's not fair. It's just not fair! I can't keep a friend.

I'm so alone.