Finally me,

These holidays have been so confusing. In some ways no where near as painful, and in others more so. So much has changed and so much hasn't I'm finally kinda coming to terms with some stuff that I buried pretty deep and it's sort of helping me remember myself. Yeah, I know it sounds corny but it's so true. I'd forgotten so much because of all the pressure everyone's been putting on me, pressure to be the perfect friend, the perfect student, the perfect daughter, the perfect sportsperson, just perfect. And I really couldn't do it, hell I really can't do it. I'm starting to remember things like the fact I never used to take any crap from anybody, or that I always knew what I wanted, I could care of myself. But I soooo learnt my lesson. I've got me and that's it, just me. There's no other living person on my side. I know I kept saying I didn't trust anyone but who was I kidding? I was lying to myself, I'd begun to trust again, and it totally backfired. I hope it'll stop me making the same mistake but I just don't know. I really don't. But it do know I'm going to do everything I can to try and figure myself out again. I found this gorgeous secluded spot by browns lagoon, it's perfect no one would go in there. Girls wouldn't because they'd think it was gross and guys just wouldn't be interested, so it's all mine, I'll be able to think and meditate and finally decide or realise exactly who I am.

....Finally....